That’s very deep. I used to do that when I was a teenager. I thought “If they reaaally cared, they would have been there/asked again” after I said I was fine. And then realized it was self-sabotaging. I was isolating myself of I love aew white t-shirt . My action were not contigent with what I wanted. Good for you to realize it! It’s not easy. Inside of you is that 10-year-old child who can’t possibly understand why her mother left her… it doesn’t matter the method or the reason. I hope you help her heal and then she can help.
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Please try to find a good therapist. You have taken the hardest step and are halfway there already in that you know exactly what you are doing and why, a decent therapist will help you to change those behaviours so that you can interact with other people in more positive ways. And if the first one you talk to doesn’t vibe well with I love aew white t-shirt you, there is nothing wrong with trying someone different. Best of luck to you.